Becoming a widow is on no one's bucket list or life plan.
Morbidly speaking, maybe it should be since it is inevitable that one of a partnership will go first. One goes. One stays. The one who stays has a lot of work to do. Emotionally and practically.
Maybe you've talked about it with your spouse. We did that. But once it happens in your life, you realize the scope of loss is beyond you. Like a tsunami of sorts. It knocks you off your feet. It threatens to drown you.
When it was my turn to walk this walk, my family, counsellors, and friends all threw me a rope. They put their arms around me and were there every way possible. Sometimes I let them in, and sometimes I just treaded water, gulped and sputtered all by myself.
Approaching the one year anniversary last summer, I proactively booked out June and July. Get away from that next wave which threatens to hit you. "You are so brave", they said. "I admire you." Well, I'll take it but, really, I'm on the defensive. Running away from it. I was getting the h____ out of Dodge before being submerged...again.
It's been 18 months now and I should have a grip on this, and most days I do. I go to sleep and wake up with prayers of gratitude on my lips. I am truly blessed in so many ways. My very best friend now is God. His spirit never leaves me in the cold, always there when I call, directing my path. Loving me.
And yet...still. A. Very. Hard. Walk.
Inspiration To Live Well Sandra Wilkes Art