|Hearts Mixed Media Collage 2013|
As we go through each day it is easy to get on automatic. We tend to do the same things, see mostly the same people, and, oh no,...have many of the same thoughts. Right?
But every now and then something way different happens. You can probably count those significant things in your own life on your ten fingers...the things that really crack your heart wide open. Although we might be moved daily by a playful kitten, a flower we've been waiting to see bloom, a rainbow, or a serendipity, the really big ones have a lasting effect.
The "way-different" occurrence can be pain or pleasure, surprise or longed-for. But it makes you way-different after it happens.
My heart was cracked open on June 17 when my mom passed away. Although she was 93, it seemed sudden to me. I wasn't ready. Evidently she was. For days after we were consumed with the busy-ness of death. All that you have to do, to plan, to call , to prepare, to honor, to remember....as if you could forget if you tried.
I remember feeling like I was walking around with my heart hanging out of my body. And even now, when I am "over it", it takes very little for my eyes to fill with water. It isn't really pain now, it is more what I would call poignancy. Things have more significance. Colors are brighter. People are more important. Things need to be said more than done.
It's a gift to me from my mother. She became very open toward the end of her life. Old age, I believe, often has us 'drop our filters'. We don't think as much before we speak. We don't weigh our words. We just say it. And it is usually very real and very open. Shyness disappears. There is just no time for all that nonsense.
Since I always look for the gift...or at least I try to.....I know the gift here for me. For one thing, the enjoyment of the day is heightened. Things mean more. And, oddly, hurts don't hurt as much. Understanding is deeper. That hurt really "is never about you" anyway.
Open up. Say what you want to say. Cry if you need to or want to. Sing. Skip. 'Open' does not hold back. Reach out. Make that connection. Don't by shy.
Maybe I will get over all of this and go back to thinking more before I speak, and deciding if something is appropriate or not, and be lead by my head more than my heart. But I certainly hope not!