Sunday, November 27, 2011

A Day At The Cemetary.

Most of the world, it seems, was out shopping on Black Friday, standing in lines to scoff up life changing bargains.  I spent Black Friday at the cemetery.

First of all, nobody died.  It was just a visit.  We passed through the cemetery gates that day by choice.  In my family, we don't bury people in the ground and just leave them there forever.  We continue to take care of them.  So this was the day to dress my dad's grave for Christmas.  He is decked out with red poinsettias now and he is ready for the holidays.  

My mother is 91, I am visiting her, and this is what she wanted to do.

A picture is worth a thousand words they say, and as we sat in that quiet place I decided it was a picture I'd rather not have.  Mother in her wheelchair bending over to get a better look at the bronze marker.  Walker off to the side.  It took both wheelchair and walker to get us up the knoll.  Me, sitting on the ground cutting styrofoam and arranging flowers.  And, best of all, Buddy, the picture of life playing around at our feet. Daddy would have liked that Buddy was along.

We rode through the cemetery grounds and said hello to many generations of family and friends who have been there for years.  

I wondered what was going through my mother's mind.  She still misses Daddy very much.  She knows she will lie next to him again sooner rather than later.  But not today.  It must play havoc with her thoughts.

We all hike back to the car, load up, and drive away leaving this resting place as quiet as we found it.  

These cemetery times may be ending for my family.  My husband wants to be cremated. So does my sister.  I'm still trying to decide.  It's all for the comfort of those left to 'bury' us, to pay their last respects, and have that closure carved in stone.  To do right by the dead.

We don't die though, do we?  Isn't life eternal?  Don't we just close our eyes here and transition into the next life?  Bungling our way back to God.  Realizing our Oneness.  Finally.

I can't figure out how to link this to the song on my computer.  If anyone knows how, let me know.  However, it's well worth the .99 to download.  Especially if you are sad right now.

Good grief!   I'm done with this topic.  Going out and having some fun!  Enough of this maudling stuff! 


  1. This was so beautiful and so real, Sandra! Death comes to us all, so is not something we can avoid, even if we choose to avert our eyes. My FIL is 95 and has been widowed for 10 years, longer than I'd thought he'd outlive his wife of 60 years. My MIL was cremated, but her ashes were scattered in a beautiful nature reserve where they spent many, many years walking together. This time of life for both your Mum and my FIL cannot be easy, knowing what is rapidly approaching. I found this such a thoughtful, poignant and compassionate post that touched my heart. Thank you!

  2. What a sad day for you, but if it made your Mom feel better.. it was worth the pain.

    My Mother was cremated as was my Dad.

  3. Thanks Candida. Actually it wasn't so much sad as it was poignant.

    Desiree, Thank you. Everyone has his own version of this experience or one similar. Can't escape death and taxes.

  4. Oh Sandra I understand this one but my Mom does not like going anymore to the cemetery to see where my Dad is buried as seeing her name on the headstone gives her the "willies." She is a funny woman and I love her. She misses him too but like me she knows he is not there. I still like to visit and have a chat myself. I think I will be cremated and thrown in my bush never to have a stone.A big rock maybe.
    I liked this post Sandra and I know it is hard. Take care. B

  5. Thanks Buttons. Again, not so hard really, just poignant. LIfe is good. Still learning a lot about life through all this aging parent stuff.


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