Saturday, September 24, 2016

Painting Out The Pain

If you are currently grieving like I am, how do you lose yourself?  Is it through your work? A hobby?  Is your diversion family and friends?  Hopefully you can lose yourself in a healthy way instead of having yet another drink, a third bowl of ice cream or curling into a ball and thinking you can cry your grief away eventually. You can't.
I know what works for me.  But just because I know doesn't mean that I do it. Knowing and doing are two different things. But if I do reach out and pick up a paintbrush, I can float away from that which hurts me.  I can just let it go, or rather maybe it loosens it's grip on me and lets me go.
Soon I will finish the painting I've been working on with Sherry Hardage.

What a great painter, teacher, and friend I have in her.  She 'gets' me and I love her and her work.  Larry and I loved this particular sight. He shot it and I painted it. We always said we would do that.   So even though we ran out of time, he left me hundreds of photos to paint; so he did his part. And I will do mine.

I hope you find your magic bullet for tazing grief so it will be powerless over you for awhile. It will come back but it will lay in a heap on the floor for awhile.  

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Waking Up In The Woods

"This summer has been like living in the twilight zone."  I said that to one of my sons and he looked puzzled. "The Twilight Zone" was an old Rod Serling tv show I  liked... and it always left you shaking your head and saying, "What?  What happened?"  It always left you wondering .....what was real and what  wasn't and had you fallen into another dimension.

Waking up on a mountain in the woods is the opposite. It is grounding.  And it grounds you.... in nature, beauty, and serenity. It reminds you what is real.  Sunrise, sunset like clockwork.  Big Sky full of leaves soon to change colors and fall, like clockwork. Quiet water.  Stillness. Less wondering.  A small step back in the direction of Knowing.

Stepping out of the twilight zone is a good step to take.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Life's Documents


In October I get to travel! I'm so looking forward to it. I need my passport for this adventure, or rather I need to find my passport. I haven't used it in years.  For days I looked everywhereI thought of all the places I might have put it.  I even checked my safe deposit box. No luck.

You can always order a new one but it's $50 down the drain... but, wait!  Before I do that, there is one more place to look.  Under P.  I imagine a voice saying,  "Sandra, look under P."  Well, of course.  There it is.  Side by side with Larry's passport. He always kept us organized.   Thank you, Larry for filing everything. And I do mean everything!

The journey of life requires so much paper. 'Prove this. Document that'. It never ends.  So, today the two documents I need are a marriage certificate and a death certificate, the beginning and the end. It strikes me so poignantly. It sears my heart to bundle these together. A most joyous day and a most profoundly sad day stapled together. I hate it.  And yet I love it. The foreverness feels complete. A journey we made with many twists and turns is complete.  And I have two pieces of paper in my hand to prove it to those who must have their proof.